-This Bittersweet Month-

I always find that I reminisce a lot in the month of October. October is officially "breast cancer awareness" month and it is also the month my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer back in 2005. The way I feel about October is very similar to that feeling I feel on 9/11. I can still perfectly recall those feelings of anguish, hopelessness, terror, and bewilderment.
In one tiny moment, all my hopes and plans for the future were suddenly in jeopardy. The woman I had always known to be strong, who never showed a weak moment, who was always there for me, was now in the biggest fight for her life. My dad and I cried in each other's arms as my mom told us over the phone that her biopsy resulted in the diagnosis of cancer. Our worst fears were now confirmed.
The next few months of my life were a whirlwind. I was floating in this crazy alternate universe where my mom was having surgery, and then chemo therapy every week, which would soon turn into radiation therapy. She never showed that she was sick. After rounds of chemo that left her with no taste buds, no appetite, and weakness all over, she still got up the next day to go to work. She was still my mom, still worrying about our grades and how we were doing in school (if not more so since her diagnosis). I could see she was more concerned about her sickness, and it's effect on us than she was about her own health.
We all coped in different ways. My way consisted of leaning heavily on my friends and Young Women leaders. I was already dealing with depression before the diagnosis, so afterward it only got worse. Luckily, my mom felt the need to put me into therapy sessions with a counselor. I think that was the best choice for me. I was able to vocalize my fears as well as be reassured by my mom that everything was okay.
I never felt that my mom was in grave danger of losing her life, but I think that was because of how she portrayed herself. People were bringing us meals all the time, but we (the kids) didn't understand why, our mom was doing fine. I can't specifically recall a time where she was just laying in bed being sick besides after surgery. She was still Mom.
The whole point of this post is to try to show in some small way, how strong my mother is. I am who I am today because of this strong woman. The breast cancer road was definitely a hard one to travel, but I wouldn't take it back. Our family grew so close and we learned to serve each other better. And here we are six years later, cancer-free and still a close-knit family. I LOVE YOU MOM!